God Help Us
by Shadow Phantom
Summary: Duo, a six year old? Set out to torture the other GW boys. Cartoons, ice cream, violence, and cuteness.
1. The Madness Begins

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, or Scooby Doo, or the Powerpuff Girls, or any of that good stuff. *sniffle* I am just a very bored person attempting to make you people laugh.  
  
Rated PG-13 for: A lot of swearing on Trowa's parts, and injuries that you make you want your mommy.  
  
AN: I don't know how this idea came to me, all I know is I wrote it and decided "Ah, what the hell." ^_^  
  
God Help Us  
  
It all started out on Saturday morning at 6:00 (AM, duh) and…oh 37 seconds or so.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"  
  
"What the-? Is it Wednesday already?" Heero cracked open an eye and yawned. Yes, Heero Yuy was asleep at six on Saturday morning like any normal human being.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"  
  
Trowa woke up and hit the snooze button on his alarm clock so hard it flew across the room and hit the wall. (He's just talented like that.) Leaving not only a huge dent in the wall, but a twisted piece of clock on the floor. (In case you couldn't tell, Trowa is not a morning person.)  
  
The yelling stopped for a minute, but then promptly started again, this time accompanied by pounding on the wall.  
  
"Duo, what the hell are you doing?" Trowa yelled, attempting to be heard over the wailing.  
  
"Let me out of my room! I wanna watch cartoons!"  
  
"Open your own damn door," Trowa grumbled and rolled over.  
  
"I can't reach the doorknob! WWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!"  
  
Trowa managed to hold out for few minutes by pressing his pillow over his ears and waiting for the bullet from Heero's gun to shut Duo up.  
  
"I'm missing Daffy! Lemme out!" Duo cried. There was a very loud crashing sound from Duo's room, followed by giggling and screeching.  
  
Slowly rolling out of bed and grimacing as he got closer to the peals of laughter, Trowa wrenched Duo's door open, nearly tearing it off it's hinges.  
  
His room was in complete disarray. Most of the furniture was knocked over, plates and silverware were bent or broken, and Duo's wide collection of comic books had been scattered around the room.  
  
But Trowa didn't notice any of this when he caught sight of the braided pilot.  
  
"Oh, hello!" He giggled. He was standing at the foot of his bed, holding onto the posts at either end.  
  
Trowa rubbed his eyes. No way, this wasn't happening. When he opened them again, Duo was jumping up and down in oversized boxers and laughing madly.  
  
"Cartoons!" He realized suddenly, jumping off the bed and flying towards the door. Trowa caught his wits just in time to reach down and scoop Duo up.  
  
"You need to get some clothes on first. How old are you?"  
  
"I'm six years old! I wanna watch cartoons!"  
  
"Not until you get dressed." Trowa instructed, setting him down. Duo stood there pouting, and then with a deft move he picked up the nearest thing, (which just happened to be a baseball bat) and connected it against Trowa's shin with a loud thud.  
  
"Dammit! You little monster!" Trowa clutched his leg and hopped up and down, while Duo streaked past him.  
  
Click. "I don't think so." Duo stopped short, staring down the barrel of Heero's gun.  
  
"But, I," Duo's lower lip trembled and he started wailing for all he was worth.  
  
"What's going on?" A sleepy eyed Quatre murmured stepping out of his room and rubbing his eyes.  
  
"Ask him." Heero motioned to the sobbing Duo with his pistol.  
  
"Duo?"  
  
Duo sniffled and nodded.  
  
"Put that away Heero, you're scaring him," Quatre snapped kneeling down in front of the small pilot. "Hey little guy. Let's get you into some clothes."  
  
Duo obliged happily, and allowed Quatre to lead him off in search of clothes small enough for a six-year-old to wear.  
  
Trowa limped into the hallway, his usually unemotional face livid. "I think he broke my leg. What a little bastard."  
  
(It was about this point that the authoress was distracted by her Gundam Wing DVD, and didn't type anything for about twenty minutes. Too busy watching Trowa in a flight suit, most likely.)  
  
"I'm going to go call a doctor. Seriously, I get blown up in space and the worst thing that happens is amnesia. I get hit in the leg by a six year old and break the fucking thing." (In case you couldn't tell, Trowa is REALLY REALLY not a morning person) And with that he limped off in search of a phone.  
  
Heero went down the stairs as well, prepared to drink a pot of caffeinated black coffee to help him wake up. (Caffeine doesn't cause Heero to drop off like normal people. He's special that way. ^_^)  
  
Wufei was sitting in the middle of the family room, meditating, as usual. (He wakes up early on Saturday cause he's not normal. But then again, none of the Gundam pilots are. *shrug*)  
  
About ten minutes of peace passed, (well as peaceful as a sleep depraved Trowa with no coffee and a broken leg can be) before Quatre led the ever cheerful Duo down the stairs.  
  
He was wearing an oversized baseball shirt, khaki shorts, (that looked suspiciously like Quatre had cut his own pants) and a loose braid. (Some things never change)  
  
(You know what I realized? That this story is using an excessive amount of parentheses, which probably dulls the effect of the story, although it does inform. And although they are a barrel of fun, I should probably refrain from using them. What a New Year's resolution!! I promise you that this story will be (almost) completely free of parentheses! Yes, from…oh wait, heh, you probably want to get back to the story. Well, go on then.)  
  
"Good morning!" He chirped, then bounded off and switched on the TV, turning it up so loud that eardrums are on the brink of shattering.  
  
Wufei lasted for about ten minutes of a very loud Scooby Doo, shrieks of Duo's laughter, and Quatre's comments on him 'just being a kid'.  
  
"That's it! Shut up you little-" Wufei was cut short. Being in meditation and all, his eyes had been closed, and he had just assumed, and a very good assumption it was, that Duo was being himself. (Hey, I didn't use…damn.)  
  
Duo stared angelically at Wufei, his little cherub face oozing innocence, which of course affected the Chinese pilot zilch. "What the hell?"  
  
"Don't curse around Duo, he's impressionable." Quatre reprimanded from the kitchen.  
  
"What are you, his mother?" Wufei growled, at the scarily mother like Arabian pilot, making coffee in the kitchen.  
  
"Well, somebody has got to do the job, and you three are being terrible role models!" Quatre snapped back in reply.  
  
"Can you say PMS?" Wufei muttered under his breath. Quatre opened his mouth to reply, because as you all know, he hears all, but was interrupted by Duo.  
  
The said pilot was bouncing up and down on the couch, laughing, his braid swinging every which way. "I'm hungry!" He then turned to Wufei and giggled, "hell!" He exclaimed, jumping of the couch and jutting out his lower lip.  
  
At that point, the usually unemotional Trowa probably would have laughed. After all, we all know, that at heart he's a softie, and probably would shower whatever children he had with love and gifts. But, at that point, poor Trowa was muttering words the would make a sailor blush, grumpy not only because of his leg, but the fact that he still had no coffee.  
  
Being as it was, nobody commented on the situation, and Quatre went to the cabinet to pour Duo a bowl of cereal. Handing the young boy a bowl of Capn' Crunch, Duo's acclaimed favorite, the young boy squealed with delight, flinging the cereal into the air, and doing his best to impersonate a pirate. "Shiver me timbers, a treasure!" He whispered, picking up one of the berry thingies and shoving it into his mouth.  
  
He continued this game for a few minutes, before Wufei snapped back to the real world, and stomped on the rest of the cereal. "Eat like a normal human being." He then walked stormily to the kitchen, grabbing a box of who-knows-what and going to his room in the basement.  
  
Duo's lip trembled precariously, and Quatre rushed forward to comfort him.  
  
"Don't." Quatre stopped short and looked up. Heero was reading the newspaper but shaking his head, "just don't."  
  
Stepping back and sitting back down at the table, (as it's a well-known fact you should always obey people with guns) he picked up a section of the newspaper, and ignored the pouting mass of child, that is Duo.  
  
It was only a matter of seconds before the waterworks started. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!" Duo cried, wailing loudly enough to rouse the dead.  
  
He stopped short, however, when he saw Bugs up on the screen and turned happily to watch the bane of parents all over the world. Saturday morning cartoons.  
  
He continued watching cartoons, even while the doctor wrapped up a very angry Trowa's leg, and Wufei's shouting about the 'fucking leak in the basement', and Heero shooting a solicitor. The other pilot's took this into account, and didn't worry about it until around ten or so. (You know, when normal people wake up)  
  
"Is it just me or is he slowly melding with the television?" Trowa asked, much more agreeable, as he had had a few cups of coffee, and his leg wasn't in quite so much pain.  
  
Heero glanced up from the paper, (it's magical, it takes four hours to read) and then back down again. "Yup."  
  
Quatre, being the overly kind bastard that he is, (yes, I took that from another fic. ^^) nodded hopelessly, having been trying to pry Duo away from the TV for about an hour.  
  
Trowa stood up, walked calmly to the television and switched it off. It took about .0135 seconds for Duo to realize this, and he grabbed for the nearest thing to him, but Trowa having very quick reflexives, flipped over the young boy's head and sat back down in the kitchen.  
  
Duo jumped forward and desperately pressed the 'power' button, but to no avail. In the short time it had been turned off (about a second to be exact) Wufei had slipped behind the monstrosity and snipped the wires.  
  
The house would have surely flooded at this point, had not the ever persistent Relena shown up, to 'spread the joy'. She bounded into the kitchen, wearing an extremely short skirt, and reeked of some crappy rose scents, that she most likely had bought from K-mart for about 60 cents or so.  
  
"Why hello! Heero, you're looking good today!" She giggled, fluttering her eyes, trying to look cute, but ending up looking more like a cross between a badger and a horny weasel.  
  
"Hn." Was his ever popular response, flipping the page to continue reading the magical newspaper.  
  
"Why Heero! You're not wearing your spandex today!" She gasped, mortified. (Come on, even Heero Yuy has to wear casual clothes on a Saturday.)  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Why, I don't know what to say!"  
  
"How about you stop saying 'why' at the beginning of each sentence, you hobitch." Trowa muttered, pouring himself another cup of coffee.  
  
"She can't help saying why, she always confused." Wufei added, being upstairs momentarily to grab another box of something-or-other from the kitchen.  
  
"Why do you always have to be so mean to me?" It was about this point that all the Gundam boys, yes, ALL the Gundam boys started laughing insanely. Relena, of course, didn't understand what they were laughing about, so instead she just smiled.  
  
"Are you babysitting? Why, that's so nice of you!" She walked to the family room, where a curious Duo was staring at her.  
  
"You're ugly," he smiled.  
  
She gasped. "What manners! Who are your parents?"  
  
Duo pointed to Quatre (who had been the only one to do anything kind for him the entire morning) "That's my Daddy!" He proclaimed.  
  
Relena raised an eyebrow. Okay, tried to raise an eyebrow. It resulted more in her entire face twisting so that she looked like a normal human being. "Why, for being Quatre's son you look an awful lot like Duo."  
  
"I am Duo!" The braided pilot exclaimed, pointing proudly to himself.  
  
"What, what happened, Heero?" She asked turning to the boys sitting in the kitchen.  
  
"How the hell should I know."  
  
(It was about this time that I resolved to not bash Relena so much. So from now on, the bashing will be turned down quite a few notches on the bash-o-meter.)  
  
"He was just a kid when we woke up this morning. Who knows, Duo eats so much junk, it's a surprise he hasn't sprouted an extra set of arms and eyes." Quatre shrugged.  
  
"Well, if he's going to be a little kid, he needs to get a wardrobe." Relena smiled, ruffling Duo's hair. He giggled, and took her hand. "So, we need to go to the mall."  
  
"Have fun." Heero waved, putting down the paper, and walking over to the counter to rinse out his coffee cup.  
  
"I can't go by myself! If he's going to live with you four, then you have to bond with him."  
  
"He can live with you then."  
  
Relena glared at the four boys, and started walking off with Duo, who stopped short and reached towards the other pilots. He looked on the edge of crying again, so the four un-chibified pilots quickly drew into a huddle.  
  
"I'm not going. Walking around a place I hate, with a broken leg, and Relena, is not my idea of fun." Trowa shook his head.  
  
"I don't know, I already did so much for him this morning. And, normally I would go, but it's Saturday, and when I go to the mall I usually end up getting stalked." Quatre explained apologetically.  
  
"No." Wufei growled.  
  
All heads turned to Heero, who shook his head. "You are her favorite," Quatre smiled.  
  
"I'd rather have a sex change thank you very much."  
  
"Come on Heero. We've all done something this morning, and now it's your turn, whether you like it or not. It won't be that bad."  
  
Heero glared at Quatre. "No more then half an hour, and if she asks me to kill her, I won't hesitate."  
  
"Fair enough!" Quatre agreed, turning to Relena and putting on his serene smile. "Heero has decided to go with you. But, since Duo is only six he shouldn't be out for more then half an hour."  
  
"Half an hour to decide a whole wardrobe? I might be able to find him an outfit or two, but not a whole wardrobe!"  
  
"We'll just do laundry more." Heero replied, grabbing the keys and stomping towards the car. "We're not going in that pink piece of shit." He snorted, before Relena could say a word.  
  
"Don't use that language around children!" She scolded, acting like Quatre had been doing earlier that morning. Except that when she did it, it was really annoying and made Heero want to shoot her about ten times more then he usually did.  
  
"I'll use whatever damn language I want."  
  
~End of Part One~  
  
TBC.....Comments, suggestions, assassination attempts? 


	2. Scooby Doo and Lion Slippers

Disclaimer: Sorry, don't own the Gundam boys, or the mall, (although I wish I did) don't sue me!  
  
Rated PG-13: Same thing as before. Language and boo-boo's  
  
AN: You like me, you really like me! Somebody actually thinks this is funny! How did that happen? ^_^  
  
God Help Us  
  
They reached the mall in under ten minutes, compliments to Heero's madd driving skillz.  
  
"Oh Heero, isn't this romantic?" Relena sighed as they walked down one of the many crowded walkways, paths, halls, whatever the hell they're called.  
  
"I fail to see how walking through an extremely crowded place, with a six year old screaming Duo, and cheap ass stores is romantic."  
  
"Don't you just love the mall?" She continued, ignoring Heero's reply.  
  
"If it was bulldozed over and turned into a park and an gun store, then, yes, I would."  
  
"Here we are! Oh, let's get smoothies before we get anything!" Heero silently handed her a five to dispose of her for a couple of minutes. Looking up at the store he was standing at the entrance to, he involuntarily retched.  
  
"Abercrombie and bitch," he muttered, grabbing Duo and swinging him up to sit on his shoulders. "Let's go find a store that isn't full of people I hate." He told Duo walking off. He didn't care that he actually looked like a caring parent or older brother, Relena wouldn't be looking for one of those.  
  
Waltzing into 'JC Penny's' he headed towards the kid's section and set Duo down. "What do you want?" Duo immediately latched himself to a Batman shirt, and Heero picked it up. "What else?" He followed Duo around, snatching up whatever shirts, socks, underwear, or pants Duo wanted, regardless of what they looked like. Walking towards the counter, Duo sitting atop his cartooned clothes, he managed to check his watch. It had only taken fifteen minutes.  
  
"Clifford!" Duo yelled all of a sudden. "Clifford!" And he reached for a stuffed miniature version of the red dog.  
  
"Fine, just shut the hell up." And Heero grabbed the doll for Duo, dumping everything else in front of the cash register.  
  
"That will be one hundred dollars."  
  
"A hundred dollars for a load of crap." Heero muttered, thrusting his credit card into the cashier's hands.  
  
Lifting Duo back onto his shoulders, Heero grabbed the bag and got out of the store like a bat out of hell.  
  
"Where's W-W-Relena?" Duo asked, as they flew by the stores.  
  
"Don't know, don't care. Next time though, call her hellish troll bitch."  
  
"Hellish twoll bitch!" Duo exclaimed.  
  
"Good enough." Heero ran out of the mall and skidded to halt outside his car, sitting Duo in the front seat and buckling his seatbelt. He would have to be careful, or else he might actually start liking the young braided pilot.  
  
"Let's get out of here." He said once he had seated himself behind the wheel, and was ready to stomp on the gas pedal when Relena appeared behind the car. Surprised, it took him a split second to actually stomp on the gas pedal. Relena just barely jumped out of the way, falling backwards and scraping herself up pretty badly. Heero chuckled, and started speeding out of the parking lot, when he heard something that made him stop dead. Imagine nails on a chalkboard. Now, magnify that about a hundred times. Yeah, you guessed it, Relena screaming.  
  
"HHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" She screeched. Heero shuddered, and ever so slowly backed up the car. She smiled and hopped in.  
  
Digging through Duo's clothes, her smile changed into a deep frown. "These clothes won't do at all! Powerpuff Girls? Marvin the Martian? What is this?"  
  
"Clothes that he wants to wear. He's a six year old for God sakes, who cares what the hell he wants to wear?"  
  
"I do! The general public does!"  
  
"Who's the general public? The people who live up your ass?" Heero growled, speeding down the road, putting as much distance between himself and the mall as possible.  
  
"Heero, I can't believe you! You didn't get ANYTHING nice at all!"  
  
"I got a shirt with a collar."  
  
"Yes, but it's a FAKE tuxedo shirt!"  
  
"It has a damn collar." Heero protested, screeching to a halt at a red light and causing Relena to pitch forward against the back of Duo's seat.  
  
Duo went into a fit of laughter, and managed to twist himself around to laugh at Relena's predicament. "Twoll bitch!" He giggled, falling back into his seat, in an uncontrollable fit of hysterics.  
  
Heero smirked, and started the car before Relena could start scolding him on his terrible parenting skills. He did a 180 before pulling into the driveway, facing the tree on the opposite street. "You get out, or I run into tree." He said slowly enunciating each word.  
  
Relena's face twisted horribly, and she got out of the car doing her best to glare daggers at Heero. He shot her back one of his worst, and pulled Duo and bag of clothes out of the car, casually flipping her off before wrenching open the front door.  
  
As he set Duo down, said pilot ran down the hall screaming madly, and into the family room where he launched himself at the TV, cartoons not yet forgotten.  
  
But it was no use. Wufei had completely mutilated the wires behind the TV, so that it was pretty much hopeless to get it hooked back up. Unless, of course, Duo turned back into himself and did an extraordinarily good job.  
  
"That thing is out for good, kid." Heero told him, setting the bag down and collapsing on the kitchen chair, feeling like he had been out shopping for hours. (Spending half an hour with Relena will do that to you.)  
  
Duo pouted, and then jumped up when something shiny caught his eye. He ran into the backyard, and squealed with delight diving into the swing on the newly built playset. Trowa was sitting under the tree nearby, reading a book, one of his thumbs bandaged, and his fingers covered in blisters and splinters. Heero stood at the back door, almost open mouthed, and staring at Trowa, who just shrugged.  
  
Being a complete softie, and not holding grudges, (especially against such a cute kid) Trowa had constructed a playset for the small pilot while Heero had been tortured at the mall.  
  
Duo swung back and forth, giggling, and having a great time, letting the other pilots do nothing but supervise. (Okay, letting the other pilots do nothing, and letting Trowa supervise.)  
  
This semi-peace and relaxing time lasted for about an hour before Duo flew out of the swing, accidentally, and screaming for all he was worth. Trowa slammed down his book and dove forward, moving just fast enough to catch Duo one handed right before he hit the ground. (Hey he's not a Gundam pilot for nothing.)  
  
"Thank you!" Duo exclaimed hugging Trowa around the neck, who winced. "I'm hungry!" He yelled, jumping up and running towards the kitchen. Trowa rolled over on his back and groaned.  
  
He lay there for about half an hour until a peanut butter covered Duo and jelly covered Quatre walked out the back door. "Trowa? Are you okay?" Quatre asked kneeling down.  
  
"I think I cracked a couple of ribs, twisted my elbow, and possibly sprained my wrist, but yeah. Just peachy." He sat up painfully and felt like tearing down the playset and stomping on it while yelling obscenities. Instead, he decided to go call the doctor for a second time, and lay on the couch wondering why the hell he kept getting beaten up.  
  
"Come on Duo, let's go inside and help Trowa out. Duo? Duo! What are you doing!?"  
  
Duo was standing on the top of the playset and waving his arms around like a lunatic. "I'm gonna jump!" He yelled. "Start chanting for me!"  
  
"Did Heero let you watch one of his movies at the mall? Get down from there!" Quatre ran underneath the playset, ready to catch Duo if he did, in fact, try to jump.  
  
"I'm a dinosaur! I'll be okay!" He called back, flapping his arms.  
  
"Duo! Dinosaurs can't…" thud. "…fly."  
  
Duo sat on the ground bawling his eyes out. His hands and knees had been scraped up. Quatre scooped Duo up carefully walking slowly back to the house, trying to comfort Duo. "Don't worry. I'll kiss it and make it all better." He reassured the small pilot, setting him down on the kitchen table.  
  
He pulled out the first aid box, shaking his head almost violently, pretty sure that his sanity was being threatened.  
  
Pulling out the peroxide he made a move to clean Duo's scraped knees, but was kicked in the jaw before he could. "It's gonna hurt! Don't hurt me!" Duo wailed, clutching his legs to his chest. He made a move to rest his chin on his knees, and howled when he made contact. "It hurts!" He cried.  
  
Quatre rubbed his jaw, and moved forward again with the peroxide. He managed to narrowly dodge the swinging feet of death, and almost started swearing. "Duo, hold still."  
  
He heard a snort from the doorway of the kitchen. "Don't be so lenient." Wufei instructed, grabbing a rag from the sink and getting it damp.  
  
Taking Quatre's place in front of Duo, he reached out when Duo aimed his kick and grabbed his leg. He carefully dabbed the boy's knee so that it didn't hurt. After that he gladly sat there and let Wufei bandage him up in 'Blues Clues' Band-Aids.  
  
"There. All better."  
  
Duo jumped up and off to the table, latching himself to Wufei's neck. "Get off of me, Maxwell," Wufei growled, trying to pry Duo off.  
  
"I don't w-" The young pilot's sentence was cut short by a huge yawn.  
  
"Looks like naptime for you. Come on I'll read you a story." And Wufei carried the yawning braided pilot up the stairs, who gave feeble sleepy protests. Once he was tucked into bed (chibified by the ever-forgiving Trowa. (The bed)) Wufei searched through all the books and comics in Duo's room, all of which were not appropriate for children under 18. (Much less the readers of this story.)  
  
"Just a minute." The Chinese pilot told Duo, tucking him in so tightly that the chibified American could hardly move. Running down the stairs he dug through what Heero had bought for the small braided pilot.  
  
"He didn't buy any damn books?" Wufei growled, pulling everything out. Finally, he got to the Clifford doll, with a small book attached. Dashing up the stairs, he tossed Duo the doll, and cracked open the book.  
  
"My name is Emily…" he started. Duo rolled around the bed giggling. Complete with sound effects, hand motions, and a wide range of emotion, Wufei was as worn out as Duo when he had finished.  
  
"More!" Duo squealed, trying to sit up, and gasping when the tight blankets cut off his air supply.  
  
"Sorry." Wufei clapped the book shut and stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. It was only a matter of seconds before the wailing started. Ignoring it, Wufei stomped down to the basement.  
  
"WWWAAAAAAAAAA-" the screaming was cut off by a gunshot. Duo looked up fearfully at the smoking bullet hole above him.  
  
"Stop crying." Heero ordered.  
  
"Put 'em up pilgrim!" Duo challenged, before dropping off to sleep.  
  
Trowa lay on the couch, trying to sleep without shifting around. The doctor had come back and wrapped up his ribs, and put a brace on his elbow and wrist. Quatre and Wufei had left the house ten minutes before to get Duo books and toys appropriate for younger children. Heero had slipped out of the house minutes after with his gun and laptop, to do some sort of mission.  
  
"When Duo wakes up, remember to give him a bath," Quatre had reminded him before walking out the door.  
  
Finally reaching a comfortable position, he sighed and closed his eyes when-  
  
"WWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!"  
  
Pulling the pillow over his face, Trowa forced himself to ignore the crying, when the screaming started. Rolling of the couch and stumbling to his feet while cursing extravagantly, Trowa trudged up the stairs to Duo's room. Kicking open the door, which trembled precariously on its hinges, he glared at the small braided boy.  
  
"What."  
  
Duo, however, had forgotten what he was crying about when he had caught sight of his 'playset savior'. "Clown!" He exclaimed pointing at Trowa's pants.  
  
Looking down slowly Trowa noticed that he had put on a pair of pajama pants, with little clowns dancing all over them. His slippers were lions, but Duo didn't seem to notice those. (He wasn't wearing a shirt folks. The less clothes you have to struggle with, having that many broken bones, the better.)  
  
"Yes, clown."  
  
"Clown! Clown! Be a clown! Pwease?" Duo begged, batting his eyes. Under normal circumstances Trowa would have gladly obliged, but with a busted leg, arm, ribcage, and blistered hands, he didn't particularly want to try.  
  
"No. Bathtime."  
  
"Clown!!!" Duo exclaimed, crossing his arms and falling backwards onto the bed, immediately remembering what he had been sobbing about before. "WWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"  
  
"Duo. What." Trowa rubbed his forehead; he was ready to hit this kid over the head with a chair.  
  
"I wet my bed!!!" He cried, standing up again and sobbing.  
  
"Really. That's too bad. It really is." Trowa neared the bed, and carefully picked up Duo, and set him down in the bathroom, helping the six- year-old peel off his clothes. (Eeeww)  
  
He filled the tub, and Duo got in happily, even without the presence of toys, sitting there calmly while Trowa proceeded to clean him. Everything went fine until the beaten up pilot reached the shampoo.  
  
With a howl, Duo's hands flew up and he started wailing. "I got shampoop in my eyes!!"  
  
Because of this motion, soapy water flew out of the tub, just happening to fly right into Trowa's eyes, and causing them to sting. (No shit Sherlock.) This, and Duo's added wailing, made him stumble backwards to rub the soap out of his eyes until he could see properly again. But, it was just his luck, that he had to run into the wall, where a shelf holding glass containers trembled above him.  
  
Even though that boy weighs close to nothing, the added thunk of his weight against the wall caused the shelf to tumble down. Instinctively Trowa's hands flew up to guard his head and neck, causing his fingers to get cut up pretty badly. The last container rocked back and forth on the edge for a few seconds, before tumbling forward right onto Trowa's head.  
  
Howling like a wounded dog, Trowa stood up, hitting his head on the swinging shelf, and tried not to curl up on the ground in a fetal position. Touching his head tenderly, he noticed that it was bleeding quite generously, and stuck a towel on it to stop it long enough for him to be able to finish Duo's bath. Carefully wrapping up his sliced fingers, he blinked a few times and turned back to the bathtub, where Duo was sitting, playing some sort of game.  
  
"I think you're finished." Trowa told him, picking the boy up, and crunching over the glass (thank god for the slippers).  
  
Pretty much too dazed to do much, he let a giggling Duo pick out what he wanted to wear. (A bright pink Powerpuff girls shirt, Scooby Doo boxers, black shorts, and Batman socks.) Duo bounced up and down in his chair, while Trowa focused as much as possible to quickly braid his hair.  
  
Picking up the soaked blankets and clothes, holding them as far away as possible from his nose, Trowa headed down the stairs. Duo skipped behind Trowa, nearly tripping him, twice.  
  
"Stay here while I take care of this," he instructed Duo, opening the washing machine and dumping the load of sodden stuff. Bending over to pick up the detergent, the towel slid off his head. Shuddering his clutched his head.  
  
"Stupid fucking Quatre, and his stupid fucking lotion in stupid fucking glass bottles." He muttered, cringing as he stood back up. (Lotion in a deep cut. Sounds pretty painful, ne?) Pouring half the box of detergent in the machine, slammed the lid shut and pounded a couple of buttons blindly, throwing in the blood covered towel for good measure before closing the lid.  
  
He entered the family room, with a new towel on his head, to see…nothing.  
  
"Duo?"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Duo, where are you?" He walked out to the back door and looked to see if he was playing on the playset. No such luck.  
  
"Duo! Come out here right now!" He heard slight giggling coming from behind the TV. Dragging himself to the family room he peeked behind the monster, and sure enough, there sat Duo, perched on top of the wires and trying to reconnect them.  
  
"I'm gonna fix the TB!" He pronounced, trying to connect a red and yellow wire.  
  
"No. Don't do that."  
  
Duo shook his head and grinned. "I want to!"  
  
Too tired and sore to protest, Trowa trudged over to the couch and flopped down on it. He felt an enormous migraine coming on.  
  
"It didn't work." Duo announced, climbing on top of his good leg. "I'm bored."  
  
Trowa very slowly cracked open an eye. "Want to play airplane?"  
  
"Okay!"  
  
Duo climbed onto Trowa's foot and he started bouncing the mini-pilot up and down, sometimes throwing him in the air and catching him again, all with one leg. He managed to keep this up for about half an hour, until he heard the washing machine buzz.  
  
"One more." He told Duo kicking him higher in the air then he had dared before. Duo came flailing back down and landed on Trowa's foot with a sickening crunch.  
  
"Oh, god-" he cut himself short, as Duo climbed off and giggled madly. You moron! You should have known not to do that on your day from hell. He reprimanded himself mentally, and then stood up, swaying slightly, as he didn't want to put too much weight on his now broken foot.  
  
Slowly limping to the bathroom, he pulled the now clean, but pink mess, out of the washing machine and dumped it on the ground to find a little lint trap cloth thingy. After managing this, he once again picked up the load and shoved it into the drier.  
  
"Hey Duo, do you want to turn it on?"  
  
Silence again.  
  
"Duo, stop doing this to me!" He heard quiet laughter from inside the drier, and opened it. Duo was resting happily among the damp mass of sheets and clothes. "Get out of there." He instructed, but Duo just shook his head.  
  
"I'm comfy!" He smiled.  
  
"Come on Duo, really, get out of there." He started opening the door more.  
  
Now, it was just poor Trowa's luck that the door had a little grip on the inside, for some reason or another, so this is what Duo grabbed, and pulled on, causing Trowa's fingers to get slammed in the drier.  
  
He stopped himself from cussing in front of a child, but pitched forward, and smacked his forehead on the edge of the drier. For the next five minutes, he was hopping around trying his best not to run off and burn the whole house down.  
  
Finally calming down a bit, he contented himself with kicking the wall as hard as he could. Of course, he forgot he had a broken foot. This time he didn't worry that Duo was in the vicinity.  
  
"Oh, fuck!!"  
  
TBC….. 


	3. Butt Injuries and Emotional Breakdowns

Disclaimer: Do I really have to say it again? If I owned these guys I'd be rich beyond belief, and wouldn't waste my time writing these.  
  
Rated PG-13 for: Once again, language, injuries, and the disturbing emotional breakdown of one of the guys.  
  
AN: Yay! Thanks everybody! I feel special. ^^  
  
Introducing: Part Three of 'God Help Us'  
  
Quatre and Wufei walked into the house, carrying bags full of toys and books, and other things of that sort. (Quatre had even gotten him a backpack)  
  
"Hey! We're home!" Quatre called, walking into the family room. The only sign that Trowa and Duo had been in there, was the bloodied pillow on the couch.  
  
"Duo? Trowa?" He peeked outside, and ran up the stairs with no luck.  
  
"Hello? You guys?" Running to the kitchen Quatre checked the answering machine to see if they had gone out for some reason. There were no messages. "Wufei I think we have a problem."  
  
Wufei sighed and dropped the bags on the ground. "Where have you not looked?"  
  
"I've looked everywhere! Except our bedrooms and the laundry room!"  
  
"Then look in the laundry room." Wufei rolled his eyes, thumping Quatre's forehead and walking to the laundry room himself.  
  
Sitting on the floor, and leaning against the wall, was a very beaten looking Trowa. His chin was resting on his chest, and he appeared to be sleeping. Every few seconds a drop of blood would drip from the end of his long bangs.  
  
"Trowa…?"  
  
Said pilot snapped his head up. "Huh? Oh, hello."  
  
"What happened to you?"  
  
"I spent the last two hours breaking every fucking bone in my body. Then the little monster crawled into the drier, and when I tried to get him out I broke bones I didn't even know I had. Where the hell have you been?" The usually emotionless pilot was seething with rage, and his voice was dripping with anger. If possible, the guy looked downright pitiful.  
  
"He's in the drier? Trowa, he could get sick in there!"  
  
"And I could give less of a fuck. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go call the doctor before I lose enough blood to feed an army of vampires." He struggled for a few minutes, before grudgingly allowing Wufei to help him up and lead him to the kitchen.  
  
"Duo?" Quatre walked over to the drier, opening the door slightly and peeking in. Duo was asleep among the damp sheets and clothes, hugging a very pink towel.  
  
"Duo…" Quatre whispered, opening the door the rest of the way. "We got you presents."  
  
"Presents?" Duo mumbled sleepily, clutching the towel when the Arabian tried to take it from his hands.  
  
"Yes. Now put down the towel so we can dry it."  
  
"No! It's dry enough!" Duo protested, snapped fully awake, and crouched in the back corner of the drier, defensively holding the towel.  
  
"Fine. Keep the towel." Quatre rubbed his temples and looked at his watch. He had two hours to get ready, and if this kept up he would miss the entire thing.  
  
"Kay!" Duo grinned, jumping out of the drier and letting Quatre lead him to the family room where a large assortment of bags lay on the floor.  
  
"I'm taking Trowa to the doctor. We'll be back in half an hour." Wufei sighed, grabbing his jacket.  
  
"Wait! Did you forget?"  
  
"Forget what?"  
  
"Relena is having a party tonight that we're supposed to attend. We need leave at five! There's no time!"  
  
"I can miss it. I hate the bitch anyway."  
  
"You have to go! Heero can't go, because nobody knows where he is, Duo can't go because he's six, Trowa can't go because he can hardly stand, and now you say you can't go!? Well guess what, I'm going to be tortured by myself for five hours! You're coming with me, dammit!" Quatre yelled, on the verge of both tears and evilness.  
  
"Uh…"  
  
"Just get that lazy ass bastard to come here. I'll go to the hospital tomorrow." Trowa murmured, crawling up the stairs to his room.  
  
Quatre smiled, and turned back to Duo, who was already running around the room with a fighter plane. "ZZOOOOOOM!!!" He yelled, jumping on the couch and running around the cushions, laughing up a storm.  
  
Noticing the pink towel on the floor, Quatre stealthily crept towards it, trying to nonchalantly reach out his hand and grab it. Duo pounced on Quatre's head from the couch. "Target has been destwoyed!" He yelled, jumping around.  
  
"Very good Duo. Now, can you play with your toys quietly for awhile. Wufei and I have to go get ready so we can leave tonight."  
  
"Where's Twowa?" He asked, looking quizzically up at the blonde pilot, melting his heart with the adorable batting of eyes.  
  
"He's upstairs. He is going to take care of you tonight."  
  
"Yay!" Duo cheered, "I like him!"  
  
"Good. Play with your toys, and when I'm ready I'll come down to make you dinner."  
  
"Okay!" Quatre patted Duo's head, and headed up the stairs. Wufei stood still for a moment shooting a look of absolute venom at the small pilot.  
  
"I hate you." And he stomped down the stairs.  
  
Trowa limped painfully back down the stairs fifteen minutes later when the doctor showed up, and sat on the couch with his arms crossed and glaring at the wall. He looked ready to sprout horns and fangs and announce that the Apocalypse was coming.  
  
"Send me the bill." He said bitterly, when the doctor was finished, and lay back on the couch, feeling completely drained.  
  
"Hello!"  
  
"Leave me alone, and I don't hurt you."  
  
"Wanna play?"  
  
"No thanks. I enjoy my life."  
  
Duo pouted. "You played earlier!"  
  
"That was before I was paralyzed."  
  
"Well, I'm gonna play." Duo stomped.  
  
"You go ahead and do that."  
  
Soon, the chibi was flying around the room screeching and giggling. Trowa sighed a big sigh (gianormous, humongo, enormous, elephantine sized sigh here peeps) and struggled to sit up slightly. He was still a little light headed from his earlier adventures, but he just shook it off.  
  
"Can I see that plane?" He asked, holding out his hand. Duo zoomed towards him, bringing the plane down fast, and with the lightning quick reflexes that he possesses, Trowa pulled his hand back right before it was speared.  
  
"Could you hand it to me?"  
  
Duo nodded, a huge grin on his face, and set it in Trowa's hand. "Thank you." He turned it over a few times, and then aimed it at Duo's face. "kkk…Target sighted….what should we do with it. Over." Duo giggled, and took a few steps to the side. "Destroy target…kkk…over."  
  
Picking up a plane of his own, Duo pointed it at Trowa's. "Enemy plane in sight. Ovew."  
  
"Another plane….kkk…spotted….orders? Over."  
  
"Destroy the enemy!" Duo yelled, again dive bombing his plane, and Trowa once again narrowly avoiding his hand from becoming shish kabob.  
  
They played for awhile, Trowa miraculously avoiding injury. Quatre walked down the stairs in a suit, and looking happy enough. "Ready for dinner?" He asked. Duo nodded, and ran to the kitchen. "Hmm…there's not much to eat. Trow, I'm running to the grocery store real quick!"  
  
Trowa stood up. "Why are you in a suit?"  
  
Quatre paused in the front doorway. "Do you have amnesia or something? Wufei and I are going to Relena's party tonight."  
  
The green-eyed pilot shook his head, and walked up to Quatre. "You. are. not. leaving. me. alone with this. monster." Trowa hissed. "I don't have a death wish, thank you."  
  
"We have to go Trowa. You'll live. Wufei is coming by at eight to put him to bed."  
  
"No. You're not going."  
  
"Yes. We are. If you have a problem with that, you can bite me."  
  
"Bend over." Trowa growled.  
  
"I'm going to the grocery store. I'll be back in a little bit." Quatre stared right into Trowa's eyes, glaring, then spun and stomped out the door.  
  
"At least buy me five gallons of ice cream and another TV!"  
  
"For Duo?"  
  
"No, dumbass, for his Clifford doll. YES for Duo! I refuse to watch him unless he is quiet and occupied doing something that won't kill me!"  
  
"Fine! I'll get your stuff!" Quatre ducked into the car and sped off.  
  
Slamming the door, Trowa did his best to stomp back to the family room without injuring himself further and flopped down on the couch. This lasted for maybe half a second before he bolted upright.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" He jumped up, tripping over the coffee table, landing face first on a pile of army men. "Why me?" He moaned pitifully, getting to his feet with much difficulty. On the couch lay Duo's airplane.  
  
"Fucking stupid bastard plane! Stupid ass army men! Why the fuck does Duo need these things!? God, why do you hate me so!?" He screamed at the ceiling, rubbing his butt, and limping to the phone for the fourth time that day.  
  
Quatre returned, lugging in a bag of cookie dough ice cream, and followed by a couple of girls carrying a very large television.  
  
"Thank you girls." He smiled. They giggled, and ran out the door before Quatre could pay them. "Neighbors." He shrugged, stuffing the cartons into the freezer. "I'm back!"  
  
"I'm going to die." A mournful voice sounded from the family room. Duo was sitting on the floor and playing with happily with his army men. Trowa was on the couch, sitting on a bag of ice. His face was cut up, and he had a black eye.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"It's not that hard to guess."  
  
Wufei chose that moment to show up. "Damn! What happened to you?"  
  
This was the last straw for a very tired, very beaten up, and very stressed out pilot. Trowa burst into tears. Duo cocked his head, and stared curiously at the crying pilot. Quatre bit his lip, his eyes filling with tears as well.  
  
"Trowa stop. You're going to make me cry."  
  
"I have had it! Just kill me now! You stupid fucking bastards!"  
  
Duo stood up, and walked over to the couch, looking up at the crying mass of bruises that was Trowa.  
  
"Calm down. It's not the end of the world."  
  
"Shut up. You stupid anal asshole. Just go away, and leave me to my misery." Trowa sniffled, and wiped his eyes, feeling like an extreme moron.  
  
Quatre sighed, and blinked the tears out of his eyes. "It's for a couple of hours. And I got you what you asked for."  
  
"I'm sowwy. I love you." Trowa looked down. Duo was sitting on his lap, and hugging him gently around the waist.  
  
The beaten pilot smiled slightly and bear hugged Duo back. "Thanks little guy. You're not so bad yourself.  
  
~End of Part Three~  
  
TBC… 


	4. Melted Ice Cream and Monkeys

Disclaimer: Yes, you've heard it. I don't own them.

Rated PG-13 for: Even more torture, a little bit of swearing, and the mention of a boy band (which I don't know how to spell)

AN: AHH!! Thank you so much everybody for reviewing! I expected, maybe, three reviews. ^_^ What do you think? Should I keep going? Write an entire series? (I'm already working on the second installment, where our favorite little dragon gets turned into a chibi.) Anyhoo, enough of my blabbing, on with the story!

The fourth, and almost final part, of 'God Help Us'

Somehow, Quatre managed to fix Duo a meal without getting himself to dirty, while Wufei hooked up the new big screen. "Wufei'll be back at eight to put him to bed. We'll be back around ten. If Heero shows up, tell him that he got his final warning on his car payment."

"Will do." Trowa yawned, forcing down half of a sandwich himself, on the insistence of Duo.

It took less then a minute for Duo to realize that a new TV was up, after Wufei and Quatre had left. He grabbed the remote and turned it to Cartoon Network, squealing with delight when the 'Powerpuff Girls' came on. 

Trowa contented himself, with closing his eyes and listening to Duo to make sure that the braided pilot wouldn't do anything. He got through about an episode or so before he got rowdy.

"Can I have dessert?" He asked. 

"Sure." Trowa mumbled, not bothering to open his eyes. 

"Where is it?" 

"The freezer. You probably can't reach it." Standing up and dragging himself into the kitchen he pulled one of the five gallons out of the freezer. The rest of the freezer's contents fell out all around Trowa, but not on him. Very painfully bending over, he set the carton on the counter and picked the frozen goods back up, shoving them back into their frozen home. 

Duo's wild laughter sounded from the family room, and after carefully closing the freezer door, Trowa sighed and leaned back against the side of the counter, staring at the ceiling. The ending credits of the show sounded, and Duo immediately lost interest, flying into the kitchen.

"Where's my-" _thump_ "ice cream?" Not being able to stop himself very well, Duo had run into the island, and he collapsed on the floor in a fit of giggles.

Trowa, however, was far from laughing. The impact, even though very small, had been just enough to knock the carton of ice cream off the counter on onto Trowa's face. Gritting his teeth, he picked the gallon off the floor, afraid to open his mouth lest he say something inappropriate. 

He handed it over to Duo along with a spoon, and drug himself back to the couch, where he tenderly touched his left eye. It would swell shut within ten minutes. "Ooh, lucky me," he muttered, groaning and trying to move.

Duo sat himself three feet from the television (as Quatre had scolded him earlier for sitting too close) and pried the tub open, happily devouring it and watching cartoons. This happy little scene lasted for about an hour, until Duo had been finished with the tub for a couple of minutes. Not wanting to wake the sleeping Trowa, he pattered to the kitchen, opening the freezer and pulling out another carton of ice cream. As before, the entirety of the very crappy appliance fell out, but being a six-year-old, Duo paid no attention to this.

He happily hopped down from the chair (in the process leaving the freezer wide open) and resumed his position on the carpet. This went on for another hour and a half. About halfway through the third gallon of ice cream, Duo wasn't so happy anymore.

Toddling over to the couch he shook Trowa. "I don't feel so good," he moaned, holding his stomach.

"You ate too much ice cream." Trowa opened his right eye, mainly because his left one couldn't open. "Go throw it up, and brush your teeth."

Duo pouted. He wanted sympathy, not instructions. "But I-"

"Don't complain about it. Otherwise you'll throw up on the carpet and have to clean it up."

"I don't wanna clean it up!" Duo started wailing, as he had grossly misinterpreted Trowa's earlier comment, and ended up puking all over himself, which in turn, caused him to wail even louder.

"What's the matter? Oh…" Sitting up the best he could, Trowa looked at the clock. "Wufei should be home really soon. He'll take care of you."

"I'm all dirty!" Duo cried. Wufei, having perfect timing as always, walked in at that moment. 

"Ready for bed?"

"You'll have to give him a bath. He had an accident." Trowa informed him from the couch, before the Chinese pilot entered the family room.

"What kind of- damn. Come on, I'll clean you up." And with that he grudgingly took Duo's hand leading him up the stairs.

"The bathroom probably still has glass all over the floor." Trowa called when they reached Duo's room.

"Noted." Wufei yelled back.

Trowa listened half to the TV, which was now blaring 'Dexter's Lab' and half to Duo's giggling and splashing around in the tub. Why could Wufei do the chore without getting the crap kicked out of him?

"I need some ice cream," he told himself standing up and shuffling into the kitchen. By then all the frozen goods were not so frozen anymore, and had melted all across the kitchen floor. Yes, even including the ice cream. (Poor Trowa. *Sniffle*) Not noticing this, the green eyed pilot shuffled right up to the freezer, realizing what went on a split second before he tripped over a not-so-frozen pizza. 

Smacking the back of his head on the wonderfully positioned chair, Trowa attempted to blink the stars out of his eyes. "This bites the big one." He groaned before blacking out.

Wufei finished bathing Duo without any problems, and quickly swept up the glass. "Can you get dressed yourself?" He asked the braided pilot. 

Duo nodded.

"Good. When you're ready come downstairs and I'll put you in bed." Wufei closed the door behind him, walking downstairs to ask Trowa why Duo had thrown up all over himself. 

"Trowa?" Since he wasn't lying on the couch, Wufei walked into the kitchen. Trowa was sprawled out on the floor among the melting food, knocked out cold. "Shit." He muttered, dragging the now wet and beaten pilot to the family room, and dropping him on the couch. 

He mopped up the floor quickly, so somebody else wouldn't get themselves knocked out, then called the doctor. He glanced at his watch. It was a little past eight thirty. "Please take another hour to get dressed." He whispered, up the stairs in Duo's direction. 

The doctor showed up in fifteen minutes, attending to the knocked out pilot, who, when he was woken up, was extremely grouchy. After being bandaged up a bit, the doctor left, and Trowa fell back asleep. (Can you blame the boy?) Wufei watched about five minutes of 'Cow and Chicken' before changing the channel, flipping through HBO before landing on 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon'. 

Duo pranced down the stairs, in an all black full pajama suit thingy. (Do you have any idea what I'm talking about? Didn't think so.) His hair was put into two braided pigtails, and he was hugging his newly bought teddy bear.

"I'm ready for bed now!" He announced. Completely ignoring his blatant cuteness, Wufei scooped Duo up and plopped him down on his bed. 

"Let's read the Bernstein Bears." He said, picking up the top book on the pile, and once again going into his animated reading style. Once he was finished, Duo was giggling and begging for more, but Wufei shook his head.

"No. Go to bed." He switched on the Superman night-light, and flipped off the lights. 

"One more!" Duo begged, his lip trembling. 

"Fine." Wufei agreed to stop Duo from crying up a storm. Besides the longer he stalled the less time he would have to spend at that hell called a party. He started reading 'Curious George' which Duo loved beyond belief. When Wufei snapped that book shut Duo took in a deep breath and screeched out an incredibly loud glass shattering scream.

"I'M A MONNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYY!!!" (1)

Trowa sat bolt upright on the couch, clutching his ribs, and groaning. "What the-?"

Wufei plugged his ears and backed out of the room, which was quickly becoming louder then an Ensink concert. "JUST HOW MUCH ICE CREAM DID YOU GIVE HIM!?!?"

Yes, I'm aware this part was short. Bite me. ~End of Part Four~

TBC…


	5. And in Conclusion

Disclaimer: Read the first four chapters.  
  
Rated PG-13 for: Slight swearing, the sleeping off of heavy injuries, and frightening randomness.  
  
AN: This is the last (and shortest) section of my story! I couldn't wait to post it, being the impatient wench that I am, so here it is.  
  
The homestretch  
  
Wufei and Quatre came back at ten, crawling into their beds. Trowa fell back asleep on the couch, and slept like a log for the rest of the night. Heero didn't show up, and Duo only woke up once at midnight to proclaim he was a monkey again before falling asleep.  
  
The next morning at 10:00 (AM, duh) and oh about 42 seconds or so, Duo bounded down the stairs. Wufei and Quatre were sitting at the table eating breakfast and reading the paper, and Trowa was still knocked out on the couch.  
  
"I'VE BEEN CURED! I'VE BEEN CURED!" Duo yelled, fifteen again. "I'VE BEEN CURED OF MY DANDRUFF!"  
  
Trowa woke up and stared curiously at the braided pilot, but didn't have a chance to say anything before Heero broke through the front door, covered in dirt and oil.  
  
"My car was just time bombed!"  
  
Quatre jumped up and looked down in horror. "I HAVE HANDS!" He yelled. Crickets chirped for a few seconds and there was much blinking. "Oh, wait…I've always had hands." (2) Quatre laughed, sitting back down at the table.  
  
Heero stomped up the stairs to go take a shower, after downing and couple cups of coffee, and Duo walked over to the couch, grinning at Trowa.  
  
"What happened to you man?"  
  
"You. You happened to me." Trowa growled, getting a headache from Duo's smile.  
  
"Sorry. But just a tip, put on a shirt, I'm pretty sure all of us are straight."  
  
"Stop being an asshole. I have too many broken bones to be able to pull a shirt over my head."  
  
"Yeah okay. Just saying, that people are gonna think you shave your chest. Like Tom Cruise, that little chest shaving weasel. (3)" Duo laughed, thumping Trowa's chest, who curled up instinctively and winced.  
  
"That hurt. A lot."  
  
"I wouldn't be surprised. I've seen survivors of car wrecks look better. (4)" Duo flashed Trowa a grin and sat himself down at the table, pouring a bowl of Capn' Crunch.  
  
"So, how is everybody?"  
  
"You are a despicable child, you know that." Wufei growled.  
  
"I think you meant to say I'm cute beyond all reason. Hey look, a treasure!"  
  
Wufei's eye twitched threateningly. "What?"  
  
"I just won a free treasure box!" Duo exclaimed, pulling a small plastic chest out his cereal and setting it down on the table. Flipping open the lid, it revealed a small disk and a note. "With a million dollars inside! Sweet!"  
  
"You're going to have to use to pay off for everything you broke yesterday."  
  
"Sure. It won't be that hard. How much?"  
  
"Well…" Quatre thought for a minute. "A buttload for Trowa's medical bill, the clothes, toys, and accessories we bought you, the new TV, the playset, replacements for everything you broke, including a new freezer."  
  
Duo's jaw opened and hit the ground. "That's going to cost, like, everything I've won! Can't we just turn it back in?"  
  
Quatre shook his head, and if possible smiled evilly. "Nope. That stuff goes to charity."  
  
"And one more thing." Wufei said, lifting a finger.  
  
"Okay. It can't be as bad as losing all my money." Duo grumped.  
  
"You have to spend a day in the mall with Relena."  
  
"Damn. I was wrong."  
  
Ye Merry Olde Ende  
  
(No Trowa's were harmed in the making of this fanfic.)  
  
This is from a very funny web comic, 'The Jar'. It's friggin' hilarious!  
  
Also from 'The Jar'. What? You want the URL? *sighs* yeah okay…http://www.montroseacademy.com/jar/ Heh heh, I don't even know if this is allowed…  
  
From one of Dave Berry's articles about cloning. You want to read the whole thing? Sucks to be you.  
  
Bet you can't guess what this is from. Go on, guess! Nope! You guess wrong! Wanna know why? This is my own quote, I just like messing with the minds of my readers.  
  
Disclaimer: Nothing at all in this fic belongs with me. Not Gundam Wing, not Batman, The Powerpuff Girls, Clifford, so on and so forth. NOTHING. AT ALL.  
  
Oh wait…that one thing…oh nope, never mind. Nothing.  
  
No! Don't go yet! I forgot to say. That bat that Duo hit Trowa with, you know, the beginning of all his suffering? That's the banana bat, that's mine. But other then that, nothing.  
  
One more thing, this story is mine, but I don't own anything else. I promise. For real this time.  
  
This is for all you people who were wondering the extent of poor Trow- chan's injuries. (I put these in the order they happen) Here they are: Cracked and bruised shin, blistered fingers, fingers full of splinters, wrenched elbow, twisted wrist, three broken ribs, cut up fingers, a nice big gash on his head, a very broken foot, broken right fingers, a big bump on his forehead, an injured butt *giggles*, cut up face, black eye (right), left eye swelled shut, a very large lump on the back of his head, not to mention other bruises and scratches, and severe emotional damage. 'Get Well' cards are greatly appreciated. ^_^  
  
~Really The End~ 


End file.
